134. Where Do We Begin w/ Favazza and Jeanell Greene

The raw edges of personal upheaval and the pursuit of change are brought to the forefront as I, Gregory Favazza, share the riveting chronicle of my "2440" transformative process. It's a voyage through the thorny path of self-improvement, set against the backdrop of a strained relationship with the mother of my child and the daunting hurdles that come with it. The loss of my home and the specter of past traumas loom large, coupled with the fierce legal and emotional crusade for my child's future. This episode lays out the gritty details of battling through toxic ties and the painstaking effort to reclaim one's sense of self.

Episode Website Link: https://www.ytspod.com/s4e134

New RSS Feed: https://feeds.megaphone.fm/yourtransformationstation

Transcriptions: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2242998/14547273

Check back on here to get full interview video link.

EPISODE LINKS:

Jeanell's Page: https://jeanellgreene.com/

Jeanell's Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanellgreene/

Jeanell's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jeanellgreene/videos

OUTLINE:

The episode's timestamps are shown here. You should be able to jump to that time by clicking the timestamp on certain podcast players.

(00:00) - Personal Transformation and Relationship Struggles

(12:40) - Exploring Past Trauma and Parental Fears

(16:36) - Taking Responsibility for Fatherhood

(21:02) - Facing Trauma and Self-Reflection

(27:58) - Healing From Trauma and Personal Growth

(40:11) - Notebook of Experiences and Transformation

Transcript

Gregory Favazza: 0:00

Yeah, so, like I'm trying to, I'm going to March 11th to establish a change in myself. It's a rapid transformation I don't know what to call it other than my 2440 and Throughout this process of being incorporating something new into myself, while cleansing and purging out the old and dealing with the current.

Announcer: 0:24

You're listening to a podcast that encourages you to embrace your vulnerabilities and authentic self. This is your transformation station and this is your host, greg Favazza.

Gregory Favazza: 0:48

Hi, how are you?

Jeanell Greene: 0:50

I'm a long day, I hear you definitely.

Gregory Favazza: 0:53

It's been a very long day. I appreciate your time for this Little follow-up discussion. It will be Mutually beneficial for both of us, so I really do appreciate your time.

Jeanell Greene: 1:07

Okay, all right. How do you want to? How do you want to start this?

Gregory Favazza: 1:12

Yeah, so, like I'm trying to, I'm going to March 11th to establish a change in myself. It's a rapid transformation I don't know what to call it other than my 2440 and Throughout this process of being incorporating something new into myself while cleansing and purging out the old and dealing with the current and some of the things I'm dealing with currently is Previous relationships with the mother of my child and handling that is is foreign, because I've been told by everybody from law enforcement personnel to lawyers, to doctors, to family members, friends, peers, lawyers like this is not normal shit that you're going through.

Jeanell Greene: 2:05

All right, okay, and how can I help you? What would you like for me today?

Gregory Favazza: 2:13

That's something I would do with. If that's a long story, I'll tell you later Um, just making sure I'm on the right path and kind of being like a little bit of a accountability buddy, but also reflecting back the results that I don't even recognize that are happening.

Jeanell Greene: 2:37

Okay, so can you give me like the two second or two second two minutes recap of like what is what what's so Without story, but like what's the what's so of everything you? Gotta be, oh my god, that, and there's some stuff going on.

Gregory Favazza: 2:55

Yes, so right, I guess the the so between the relationship or the so in myself.

Jeanell Greene: 3:03

Um everybody's. I think. You think I need to know okay, um, the relationship is.

Gregory Favazza: 3:12

She pretty much ruined my entire life, caused me to lose my, my house. I had to move back with my parents at a when I haven't even lived there for over 12 years, when I listened to the military and I had to endure the psychological trauma Of what happened as a child and I was sexually abused in the room I had to sleep in and by a sibling that I had to face and deal with and I was surrounded by the boxes of my house and, um, her divorce case. God, there's so much like. There's so much Um.

Gregory Favazza: 3:50

And she took off with my son and it was just a horrible experience because she Was the root cause of that. She stole my identity. She hit me with her car to me, mentally destroyed Something so structurally sound that was built by the military that it was like, over time, chipped away and finally kind of just fell to pieces. And I have been rebuilding myself and I'm just at the cusp where people are starting to recognize the potential is starting to ooze out of me how it was before, and every time I encounter her I feel like it just slowly melts away or I have to rebuild it again.

Jeanell Greene: 4:34

Okay. So why is she being this way? Like is it? Did you break up with her? That's why she's being bitter and mean, or like why is? Can you take me a couple steps back?

Gregory Favazza: 4:45

As to Sure, to be honest with you, I should be the one that is upset. I mean, for the moment we've met. I mean she was married and she didn't tell me and we had a child and then I found out when she was pregnant that I'm still married. It kind of set us up for a downward spiral. But my parents are old fashioned. They're like you got to work through it. I'm like all right, I mean I'm totally all about it, like communication, just resolution. No, she plays mind games, manipulation tactics, like she is the very essence of you coming across a post and seeing narcissists. I'm sorry that's not your specialty, but this is the only way I can give you the clearest picture. Every post, every Facebook group that gives you an essence of that individual. She is that very essence on the very-.

Jeanell Greene: 5:38

Got it. I just I don't need the story, I just need you to know-. Yes, ma'am, this is what happened. She did this, I did this, we did this Now we're doing this? Yes, I need that. I need the what so Gotcha, gotcha Okay. Don't emotional stuff.

Gregory Favazza: 5:51

Yes, let's see.

Jeanell Greene: 5:54

So you met her, everything was great.

Gregory Favazza: 5:58

And then she thought- she thought I was cheating on her because I create I do this podcast and I get a lot of hearts and likes on artwork that I create and they happen to be close by, and she made the assumption that I'm cheating on them and I thought that was hilarious because it's like no, I'm not. And it affected the outlook, affected her actions, where she wanted to go through my phone and see what's going on. I'm like sure, but this is really becoming monotonous that these insecurities are now starting to make me feel a certain way about you, where I had to go through her phone and that is not who I am, but it started to make me become what she was fearing of me as Okay, so then what did you do?

Jeanell Greene: 6:41

So she thought you were cheating, so she went through your phone. And then what did you do?

Gregory Favazza: 6:46

Then, as time progressed, like I mean going in from just meeting to finding out that, okay, you're still married. What else are you hiding? Then again, that's when they came up I want to go through your phone. I think you're cheating, I think you got more shit to hide, I mean. But she wasn't hiding other than the fact that she was talking with her ex-husband. That was something going on behind my back that I had no fucking clue Other than what I was under the impression. It's just the father of the son, but then the father that was supposed to be the father of the two children, but there's actually another dad that is not even around.

Jeanell Greene: 7:27

And then, on top, of that You're gonna have topics.

Gregory Favazza: 7:30

Yes, ma'am, sorry, I don't have a lot of time and I really wanna make a big difference here.

Jeanell Greene: 7:35

Okay, she just know the start case. So she cheated, you went through the phone and then you started fighting. Is that right?

Gregory Favazza: 7:41

Yes.

Jeanell Greene: 7:41

Then you come up.

Gregory Favazza: 7:42

Nope, not at even close. So she kept coming back and kept coming back and I tried to end the shit. She wanted to get an abortion. I said, no, this is my first child. This is number three for you that I think. So she didn't want him. So I made her sign a document. She holds that over me. And she created these fake dating sites and then said that I did that. And at that point I said no, I didn't. If you're gonna make me tell you like this is what I did, then I don't ever wanna see you again. So she wanted to stay and I said the only way you're gonna stay is if you shave your head, because I don't believe you. And she did it. And I was surprised that she did it, but she did it. And then I did too, and cause I felt bad and All right, I'll say it.

Jeanell Greene: 8:35

Okay. And then what happened? So where was the ultimate breakdown?

Gregory Favazza: 8:41

The ultimate breakdown was right before my birthday. It was a planned out situation that she was talking with some guy that she wanted to stay with and the next thing she just ups and leaves with just me and my six month year old son and her daughter. She lost custody to her other son because the ex husband used me as the individual that allowed this shit to happen and she says I'm a monster in all this shit, I don't know.

Jeanell Greene: 9:12

So all the breakdown I didn't hear the breakdown was.

Gregory Favazza: 9:17

I don't know.

Jeanell Greene: 9:18

When the shit hit the fan. The first real big shit hit the fan.

Gregory Favazza: 9:24

March 7th of 2021.

Jeanell Greene: 9:29

And what happened.

Gregory Favazza: 9:30

She disappeared and the police came to my house with guns drawn, saying that I was neglecting a six month year old child, and I showed them the situation and the following day I had a letter from CPS that they received a statement saying that the mother of my child said that she witnessed me putting a gun to my baby's head and said that I wanted to blow his brains out. And I was in shock. I had never dreamed. So I communicated as quickly as I could and went and saw them and they asked me if I wanted a lawyer. I said no, I have nothing. I was there for a few hours and they said don't ever talk to that person again. You need therapy. What you just went through is not normal And-.

Announcer: 10:19

Got it.

Jeanell Greene: 10:20

Got it. So my big question is why did you? Why do you think you dated this woman if she was a little cuckoo bird?

Gregory Favazza: 10:29

Well, I chose not to see her as crazy because she wanted a child and I was 37 at the time, maybe, yeah, 28 at the time, and I'm the youngest of seven. Everybody has kids in my family except me, and I just felt like it was something missing, because I was ready. I'm ready to be a dad, I'm ready to settle down, like that's what I wanted to do.

Jeanell Greene: 10:54

Why her?

Gregory Favazza: 10:55

Because she wanted it too, and everybody that I came in contact with didn't want it. And I've been with a lot of women in different states and it's like finally like somebody wants to do that. But it happened really quickly and I didn't realize. Well then, what is the definition of quick in a relationship? I mean, if you love somebody, you know it. Then you feel it like I don't know where I say that.

Jeanell Greene: 11:18

Well, Okay, you know, it's like okay. So when you were saying I can hear, I can see why you thought you and I have a very similar story because, yeah, I got married super quick, I didn't realize I had trauma I was dealing with. I just said yes to the first guy who finally was showing interest and wanted the same thing I did, though I didn't do my due diligence to figure out that, oh, he doesn't actually want the same thing I want.

Gregory Favazza: 11:43

Yes, ma'am.

Jeanell Greene: 11:44

And now you're in this mess that you're trying to clean up and recover from the very traumatic experience that she's put you through and trying to like how do you put your life back together after all of that is what I'm hearing. So can I ask you quickly about the child? So where's the child now?

Gregory Favazza: 12:01

He is with her right now and I was actually just at the police station, not even 30 minutes ago, because I had him for the weekend and I was changing him. He had bruises all over his body and on his face and I don't know what's normal bruises for a child staying at daycare. How old is he now? He's two years old and I had to go a year without seeing him and because she took that upon herself, she ruined every single holiday and that's why I decided for this 2040,. She's not gonna ruin another holiday for me since 2021.

Jeanell Greene: 12:37

So you're working on custody right now with her for the baby.

Gregory Favazza: 12:40

Yes, ma'am, I'm taking the actions. I have a portfolio about this thick too, and so this keeps coming. What is it? Evidence keeps coming.

Jeanell Greene: 12:50

Oh, okay, okay, so I just needed to wrap my head around this whole thing just so I can. I know exactly where to come from. So what I'm hearing and where I can probably help you is all the stuff that happened before she came, because there's a reason that you were attracted to her. There's a reason that I don't know. I don't know how much you believe about this, but I believe that we attract certain people into our life in our energy field, right?

Jeanell Greene: 13:17

Yes ma'am, there's something about her that had you, I'm going to take a little bit of gravity to that and create all of this stuff, and my guess is has a lot to do with the childhood stuff.

Gregory Favazza: 13:31

Yeah, it does. I did a lot of reflection. She shares similarities that were that illustrate my dad and the sibling that did the things to me.

Jeanell Greene: 13:43

So she reminds she. So you see the, you see the connection between her and your dad and your sibling.

Gregory Favazza: 13:49

That abused me and what did you see?

Jeanell Greene: 13:52

What did you notice about that?

Gregory Favazza: 13:56

The automatic switch from happy to angry instantly brought back the flinch thing.

Jeanell Greene: 14:02

Yes, Let me ask you a question. I'm going to kind of jump around, if that's okay.

Gregory Favazza: 14:10

Of course, that's how I like things.

Jeanell Greene: 14:12

Okay, cool With everything that's going on right now, like if you were. Just I know there's a lot, but I'm going to hold these pieces. I have two questions. Number one what is the worst thing right now about all of this? Like if I go, if I were to take the layers and we were to dig down, down, down, down to the very, very, very bottom. What is the worst thing about this thing right now for you, for yourself, not even like your son and her, but like for you?

Gregory Favazza: 14:48

That is watching my son grow. I mean, every time I see him he looks older and it scares this shit out of me, Because when I used to be active duty I would come see my parents every couple years and they would look older and older. And now I can recall looking back is I can only see when they're really young and now, when they're really old, I can't see that transition and that's what I'm afraid of seeing for my son and I don't want, I don't want to forget the most prime years that every parent should enjoy.

Jeanell Greene: 15:27

Yeah, you don't want to miss out.

Gregory Favazza: 15:29

I am missing out. He's did so many milestones and I don't. I was never there.

Jeanell Greene: 15:38

And so it sounds like, then your biggest fear is what?

Gregory Favazza: 15:43

Not being remembered.

Jeanell Greene: 15:45

For him not to remember you or for you not to remember him.

Gregory Favazza: 15:52

For him not to remember me.

Jeanell Greene: 15:55

Because what would it mean if he didn't remember you?

Gregory Favazza: 15:58

That that she created.

Jeanell Greene: 16:04

Leave it on you, don't, don't bring her into it. What does it mean to you if he doesn't remember you Because he hasn't been around that year? What?

Gregory Favazza: 16:13

That he would be. He would. He wouldn't know who I am and he would only take what people say.

Jeanell Greene: 16:20

And what would that be Negative Like what?

Gregory Favazza: 16:24

That I abandoned him, when I've never abandoned him.

Jeanell Greene: 16:29

Ah, that you abandoned him, that he would. He would have a story being told that you abandoned him. Yes, and what would that mean if he, if he was, if he believed that you abandoned him? What would that mean to you?

Gregory Favazza: 16:43

That it would be a self fulfilling prophecy.

Jeanell Greene: 16:48

And why is that important to not have that? Because we don't want to repeat generational trauma and why is that important not to repeat generational trauma?

Gregory Favazza: 16:57

Because then we can't adapt to the society to stop this shit from repeating itself, and it's my job as a father to give him the best response, responsible treatment that a child deserves for growth and development. I take full responsibility of that.

Jeanell Greene: 17:15

Yeah, got it. So consider you know, you just said it it's my job as his dad to give him, to give him the life that he deserves. She's not letting me.

Jeanell Greene: 17:27

And I want you to consider, and I want you to consider, that you are doing everything you can to give that child the life that he deserves. You're fighting tooth and nail, aren't you? And it might not be going the way you want it to because she's, you know, resisting, but I need you to get that you are doing everything you can and when you can get to that place where you honor that about yourself and not make, not live in the fear of what could be or that he might, because you're right, there might be a chance that he might feel this way, but, damn, you are not going to let that happen. Oh man, you are going to, you are going to fight tooth and nail and do whatever it takes to not have that happen. Is that right? Yes, ma'am, yeah, because here's the thing in order to get to this place called love and peace, and like the forgiveness, we can't get stuck in all the fear, and right now you're so stuck in. Here's what she did and like how could she do that? And she run me over the car and she's a narcissist, all the story and victim hood and pain, and not just invalidate that.

Jeanell Greene: 18:41

But what I can hear is the pain, the real pain that you're really like when you go to bed at night and you lie there and you stare at the ceiling, you feel your heart just like want to die. It's the fear that you hold that you're missing out on with your son and that you're not doing your job as his father, and I want you to get that you are actually doing everything there is in your power right now. I want you to acknowledge that about yourself and listen. Only God knows how this is all going to turn out. So trust that. Trust that he's got your back, that all of this is for a reason and right now it doesn't make any fucking sense why at all? And it feels like why me? What did I do? Right, there's like this, like victim about it.

Jeanell Greene: 19:39

But consider that there's something on the other side of this for you to learn and, in the meantime, know that you are doing everything you can and tell yourself that, because right now you're like I feel like you're beating yourself up about it, aren't you? Yes, like somehow this is your fault. I should have saw it coming. You should have saw it coming. So let's, let's get that. So let's, can we do a quick download of all of that, all the shit it could have. What is, can we just? Can we just get it all out?

Gregory Favazza: 20:15

Yeah, okay.

Jeanell Greene: 20:17

I want, I want this energy out of your body and we're going to put it on paper so that we can start to clear it up. You cool with that?

Gregory Favazza: 20:24

Yeah.

Jeanell Greene: 20:24

Okay, so what is it I should have? What was it?

Gregory Favazza: 20:27

Shoulda coulda, woulda dida.

Jeanell Greene: 20:28

Yeah, what was it? I should have known. What did you say earlier I?

Gregory Favazza: 20:31

should have known. I should have saw what's coming Saw what's coming, okay, what else the the red flags that stood out.

Jeanell Greene: 20:40

Yeah, I should have seen the red flags. What were the red flags?

Gregory Favazza: 20:43

That she wanted to move in very quickly and she was in a crappy situation, but no explanation why.

Jeanell Greene: 20:54

Okay, what else coulda shoulda woulda's and keep it on yourself, don't go to her.

Gregory Favazza: 21:02

Yes, ma'am, I should have trusted my instincts rather than.

Jeanell Greene: 21:07

I said your instincts.

Gregory Favazza: 21:08

And then looking at it as a fear of uncertainty.

Jeanell Greene: 21:14

What else?

Gregory Favazza: 21:19

Not be not making a quick action like life changing decision, like overnight kind of thing that haunts me Like jumping into it too fast, or what do you mean? Something else Jumping into it, like his, I don't know. I felt like the pace was set at a tempo that kept going faster and faster and faster and I felt like it was just going to crash, but then I still looked at it as a challenge, because that's how I see things.

Jeanell Greene: 21:49

So you didn't listen to your inner voice who said you should probably slow this down a little bit.

Gregory Favazza: 21:56

Well, yeah, I was, I was sleep deprived, yeah.

Jeanell Greene: 22:02

What else is in your heart that you need to let go?

Gregory Favazza: 22:07

That I couldn't do a better job being there for her children, who was getting sexually abused by another sibling.

Jeanell Greene: 22:18

What does a better job mean?

Gregory Favazza: 22:22

I allowed it to happen, even when I did everything in my power to stop it. Like from spanking to talking, to making them do pushups for making them sleep separately, to putting cameras, to telling her that she needs therapy, that I did everything that I knew how to do, while still maintaining a business and trying to build myself, and she just sat there and let it happen. And I should have went to the police, but then I didn't want anything bad to happen to her because it's like I should have. There was a line there that I believed in, like that was the very thing that I would, that I would let nobody go through, and I let her cross my line and I, to this day, I feel like my very core essence is tainted because I made it an exception.

Jeanell Greene: 23:19

So what are the stories that you've told yourself about you? Now, because of everything that's happened, when you look at yourself, what is the story you say about yourself? That you're what?

Gregory Favazza: 23:29

That I'm just as guilty.

Jeanell Greene: 23:31

You're guilty yeah.

Gregory Favazza: 23:33

And that's why it makes it hard for me to be authentic now.

Jeanell Greene: 23:37

Right, what else? And I want you to get to actually that, that when you, when you go to bed, and you hear that inner voice, you know the one that just sounds nasty and condescending and critical and judgmental. What is that voice saying to you? That you're what? The one that hurts you, and it could be also associated with what you told yourself when you were a kid, from the abuse I am.

Gregory Favazza: 24:16

I don't matter.

Jeanell Greene: 24:17

I don't matter. And if we were to go another layer under, I don't matter. What's what's there?

Gregory Favazza: 24:30

I don't think it's.

Jeanell Greene: 24:31

I don't, I think I don't matter. Is the is the nicer version? Is the PG version or even the G version? Yeah, what's underneath that?

Gregory Favazza: 24:41

Contemplating suicide that I shouldn't live.

Jeanell Greene: 24:45

Okay, but what's the? What's the I am statement, I am what.

Gregory Favazza: 24:48

I'm nothing.

Jeanell Greene: 24:50

I'm nothing.

Gregory Favazza: 24:51

And if I go under, I am nothing.

Jeanell Greene: 24:52

What's under? I am nothing.

Gregory Favazza: 24:54

I feel like you're helping me and I'm not tapping into it and I feel guilty for going along with it.

Jeanell Greene: 25:00

Just stick with me here, yes, ma'am, because your ego will just try to be like don't say it, don't say, don't call yourself out.

Gregory Favazza: 25:07

But there's a part of you, that's like I'm a piece of shit. I'm a loser.

Jeanell Greene: 25:11

I'm something like I want to get to that level, because when you can hear it Now, you can actually choose to do something about it. But when we stay on the superficial level, so I've been.

Gregory Favazza: 25:22

I've been down there. She's told me that every day for years and I finally have gotten over it that it was just projection and I'm not that piece of shit. Yeah, I'm actually angry that I still have love for her. That's. What really upsets me is everything she did to me. I still have feelings for her and I want them to go away, but they won't.

Jeanell Greene: 25:47

So what does it mean that you're angry, that you still have her? What does it mean about you that you still love her, that you're what? That who loves someone who does all these crazy things and still loves them.

Gregory Favazza: 26:00

They're what Trauma bonded.

Jeanell Greene: 26:05

Give me the authentic version.

Gregory Favazza: 26:08

That I, I don't, I don't know, I'm not sure about it?

Jeanell Greene: 26:14

If I told you that this happened to me and I'm like, I still love him, what would you say about me? I'm stupid. Yeah, I'm stupid, what else?

Gregory Favazza: 26:24

That I'm I'm not seeing what's happening right in front of me.

Jeanell Greene: 26:29

Your close. That would be right word.

Gregory Favazza: 26:32

Yes, yes, yeah, I'm very smart, but not as smart with the situation.

Jeanell Greene: 26:40

Anything else there, just flush it out.

Gregory Favazza: 26:46

Jesus, I want to, I really want to flood everything out like oh, you're doing great. I'm just so like. I just want to like a holiday named after me for everything I've gone through, like that's what really I would be. I would love to have.

Jeanell Greene: 27:04

Why would that be important?

Gregory Favazza: 27:07

To see. So I people know that I went through hell and back even law enforcement.

Jeanell Greene: 27:14

Yeah, and why is it important for people to know that you went through hell and back?

Gregory Favazza: 27:18

It is because that I had the decision to take my life and I made that attempt and failed miserably and I decided not to do it again and decided to fight because there was a reason why.

Jeanell Greene: 27:36

Yeah. So you want it sounds like you just want to be seen and acknowledged for what you've been through, and so that people know that, even even when you've gone through what you've gone through, that even the best of us still have these shitty moments in life. And I can really hear you're really committed to something else, aren't you? Yes, ma'am, what are you actually committed to that, gregory?

Gregory Favazza: 28:06

to being the best father that I can be. My father wasn't there as much as he could have been, and I don't. I don't blame him for what he didn't know at the time.

Jeanell Greene: 28:18

Yeah, so what makes you think you're not being the best father you can be right now?

Gregory Favazza: 28:25

Because I mean, I feel like I could be pushing the legal system or I should be selling everything in my house to getting him. But then I'm looking at it. Then what if I'm not my best self? What if I had to sell all my computers? Then now I have nothing. But then I get him. But now I'm not the best version of me because I can't provide. This is going to be my source of income. So the fact is I'm a victim to short term and it's hard to see the long term when I'm filled with emotions.

Jeanell Greene: 29:02

Yeah, well, what I can really hear is you're filled with fear, and that's even more dangerous than emotion. I mean, fear is a type of emotion, but I think it's the fear, the what ifs, the worst case scenarios, the right, the despair of like feeling hopeless and helpless, I think is what you're really struggling with, not even the what sell.

Gregory Favazza: 29:29

I do feel hopeless. I felt hopeless for a long time. I felt like everything crashed and burned and I had to let it happen Like I felt, like we have rights, that this shit shouldn't be going on. I already have PTSD from the military and my childhood and this woman played with it like a fucking figurine to make the angle that she wanted to make, and it was nothing but pure joy to see me struggle.

Jeanell Greene: 29:56

Well, here's the thing people will do what they do, and I think one thing I would offer you to consider is maybe she did it to get back at you and maybe she's just I don't want to use a word crazy person and not and I don't mean it as in a bad way, but she's just who she is and whether it's you or the guy next to you or the you know, the person behind you, she would have done the same thing. I think sometimes we take it so personally, like it was done to me. But get it made. Consider that she would have done that to where you just happened to be the schmuck, that that happened to be the flavor of the day or the week or the year.

Announcer: 30:36

And.

Jeanell Greene: 30:36

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through that. Yes, ma'am, and the, the, the torment, all the emotional stuff is all in here. It's all in here. So you need to take control of this Because, again, things are going to go the way they're going to go right. You're going to fight the system. You're going to, you're going to do everything you can logistically and legally, and that does not have to affect the way that you feel about yourself or shift your commitment to being the best father you can possibly be and to protect this child as much as you possibly can. Everything that you want you already are. You're already the best dad that you can possibly be, an or know how to be, at this point in your life, with the circumstances that you've been given Right.

Jeanell Greene: 31:32

There's a saying that I say all the time, and it goes like this pain and suffering only exists when you resist what is so. Pain and suffering only exists when you resist what is so, when you have it like it shouldn't be this way, the world shouldn't be this way, she shouldn't be this way, I shouldn't be this way, my dad shouldn't be this way. That is what causes suffering. It is not the problem. It is the reaction or the behavior to the problem that causes us this angst. The world just spins. People do what they do, she does what she does, police do what they do, the legal system does what they do. How you react to all of that? And I can hear there's a lot of regret, there's a lot of guilt, there's some shame, there's some anger, there's resentment.

Gregory Favazza: 32:33

I definitely take responsibility for what I contributed. I know it doesn't just. It's not one situation. I'm not the angel. I mean, I was in the army, so I come off as an asshole.

Jeanell Greene: 32:48

Right, but at the same time, it is what it is, and so it can. You know we spend I find we spend so much time in the past thinking about the kudasheeda, what is, but there's nothing we can do about that. All you can focus on is what is right in front of you right now, not even a year from now, 10 years from now, when you're, when you're there with your son and your son saying God, where were you? Don't even think about that right now. All you could think about is what is there to do? What can I do right now?

Gregory Favazza: 33:21

Then why do I start leaking back to this version that I don't ever want to be? When she gets me pissed off, Like when she pushes the right button to say, haha, I fucked your veterans' holiday because you couldn't have him. Memorial Day weekend, your birthday every holiday, you couldn't have them because I don't have any pictures she brings that up, it just yeah, and she brings it up because she knows exactly that she's going to get that reaction from you.

Jeanell Greene: 33:57

She's like ooh salt wound. Yes, rub it in.

Gregory Favazza: 34:02

One place that the fucking victim that I did this and this is why she wants me to be this version that she paints me to be, and that's what's so upsetting is the fact that I'm not this person. You keep doing it. It's like if you say you're crazy, you keep telling somebody they're crazy. Eventually they're going to just knock your ass out. Now does that make them crazy? No, it makes them fucking annoyed that I've allowed this to go on this long and took it.

Jeanell Greene: 34:29

Hey, but you got annoyed, you got triggered and it's your trigger, so it's your responsibility to not have the trigger, because there's something in what she says that you resist. Like no, that's not true about me, right? That's not who I am.

Gregory Favazza: 34:49

Son of a bitch. You're right, yes.

Jeanell Greene: 34:51

Right, and so she goes. Ooh, he's getting upset. Oh, I like this. What else can I do? And stay to piss him off, if that's what her goal is.

Gregory Favazza: 34:59

Yes, how can I get?

Jeanell Greene: 35:00

back at him. How can I hurt him? And you're just a big open wound and she's just rubbing all that shit on you and you're like I don't know. And she's like, ooh, I like this. What I'm saying to you is you need to close up that wound. So because as soon as you go, whatever crazy person or whatever lady like and she's like, oh, I'm not getting a reaction, well, this is no fun anymore, but right now you just go.

Gregory Favazza: 35:32

Well, so I have a hold on it. I mean, it's just always something new, is the problem, like when you don't think there's any more tricks? It's the same process, it's the same thing on how she does it, but it's always some sort of new.

Jeanell Greene: 35:49

New trigger, new low blow.

Gregory Favazza: 35:51

Yes.

Jeanell Greene: 35:53

You react every single time. Well, I don't know what you counts on right.

Gregory Favazza: 35:57

Well, I don't react in front of her, I just hold it in. But then it really makes it hard to do the work. And then I I fall behind, even though I don't give her the satisfaction that I'm angry. But then I beat myself up more and it's like fuck, I should not be fixating on this shit.

Jeanell Greene: 36:17

That is the work you need to do. My friend, and my guess is that is stuff all from your childhood. That's if I, if I, was coaching with you, that's where I would actually spend the time. That's what I do with my clients. It's it's always tied back to something in their childhood because of that experience that she gives you. Whatever she says, or that look, she gives you, there's something that gives you an experience and emotional experience that is very similar to something you felt as a child. And so there, there you are again feeling that as a child, even though the triggers happening here, that emotion, is actually tied to back there. So you actually have to heal that, because you're just dealing with the symptom. She's the symptom, not the root issue. The root issue is whatever happened to you as a kid, and it's usually a layer of a whole bunch of things, it's not just one situation.

Gregory Favazza: 37:13

Yeah, I said in one of my episodes, it's like wearing layers of coats. I mean eventually, once you take it off, you can finally show your natural body or essence. I don't know something like that, but that I guess there's a lot more traumas that I've avoided and only fixated around the biggest one that I can see. There is other ones.

Jeanell Greene: 37:37

Yeah, you know, I only discovered one of mine recently. One of the things I saw is you know, I've always been an overachiever and I noticed that my mom, who is my hero, which I love her to death, she's my like, almost like my doppelganger. Growing up, I had I was taught to believe that you have to be strong, you can't ask for help, you can't complain, you always have to have a smile on your face and you can't cry. And growing up I was like, oh, that's really great. As an adult and doing what I do, I realized like, oh, this is actually working against me. And so, even though on the outside it looks like it's not a trauma per se, but it is a way of being that has prevented me from actually, first of all, having compassion for myself, second of all, asking for help and, third of all, being vulnerable with people. And so, again, there are a bazillion layers in there, but you know you want to start with the biggest, the biggest wound, which is, you know, your dad and your and your sibling, and then there are going to be other ones that show up. But if you can deal with that big one first, that will lessen the triggers, because when you choose the end of the day.

Jeanell Greene: 38:52

Here's what I want to say to you, gregory when you know your self worth and you don't tie it to anybody else, but you just know that for yourself, you don't need your dad to validate that herd of validate that it's just between you and God, right?

Jeanell Greene: 39:09

When you can validate that for yourself, anything anyone says to you doesn't matter. I've been called lots of names and, yeah, I might get triggered for maybe a minute or two, but I know who I am and I don't let it bother me Because I know I love myself and I've done a lot of work to love myself and forgive myself. I think that's the work for you. You got to figure out why is it that I do not love myself? Where is it that I feel unworthy? Where is it that I've given my power over to other people to validate my self worth? And so you want to go on a scavenger hunt and find all those people, all those conversations, all those scenarios where that was triggered and when you can heal that. Now you can start to heal that, and so people can say whatever they want to say to you and you're like that's her opinion. I think I'm pretty awesome.

Gregory Favazza: 40:09

I'm ready for that Next time. I have a notebook that I've already collected and written down on all my experiences, all right, that's all I have time for you today. Yes, ma'am, I will send you this information, I'll send you the video and everything through email, and I'll see you next Monday.

Jeanell Greene: 40:26

That was good. All right, thank you. Bye.

Announcer: 41:01

Keep on sending me true to yourself. See you next time on your transformation station.